Today is my 30th birthday! It feels surreal to even say that. I remember turning 20 and thinking 30 felt so far away, but man it was basically a blink. What a decade it has been! I’ve learned so much and grown so much. It’s such a treat to be able to take the time this weekend to celebrate another trip around the sun!

I haven’t always let myself love my birthday. I didn’t know why at the time, but a few years ago I read something a psychologist wrote about birthdays and it really resonated. He said that a lot of people struggle to celebrate their birthday because of fear of unmet expectations. Woof. I resonated so hard.

I spent a lot of my early 20’s being worried that the ideas I had dreamed up in my head would never come to fruition. I avoided letting myself be celebrated because it was hard to manage those expectations. What if I planned a party and no one came? What if everyone actually just forgot about my birthday? So instead of letting myself be celebrated I tended to shut down and down-play how much my birthday meant to me. Because if I said my birthday was “no big deal” then I couldn’t be dissapointed when everyone else made it “no big deal.”

The truth is, my birthday is a big deal to me. It’s always been a big deal. And finally I’m starting to be honest with myself and others about how I really feel.

After I read what that psychologist wrote, I decided I needed to do two things:

Not let the fear of unmet expectations keep me from enjoying my birthday.
Refocus my birthday to be a reflection of the past year and a celebration of how far I’ve come.

Keeping the focus of my birthday on myself and what I can choose to do to celebrate versus what other people were going to do to celebrate me has made birthdays so much more fun. Birthday’s are a chance to treat myself to things I don’t always do (fancy coffee, dinner out, a manicure, etc.). But most importantly they’re a chance to celebrate how far I’ve come in the last year. A chance to reflect. Reevaluate. Redirect.

With this year being my 30th I feel like I have a lot to reflect on. A lot has happened over this short little life of mine and I have learned so, so much (and am still learning!). For fun I rounded up a list of 30 things I’ve learned (and some that I keep relearning) over the past 30 years to share with you all. And as an added bonus I’m sharing the recipe for The Banana Peanut Butter Cake of My dreams that I’m sure you’ll all love too. I hope you enjoy. Thank you as always for following along.

30 Things I’ve learned in 30 Years

Perfection doesn’t exist and waiting for it often keeps you from experiencing what’s in front of you.
Create, even when you don’t feel like you’ve got something good to create.
Getting started is the hardest part. With pretty much all things. (Working out, practicing piano, getting up to get ready for bed, etc.)
Humans are fully capable of feeling more than one emotion at once. Understanding that people can be both happy and sad at the same time is really important.
Listening is far more important than giving good advice.
Other people care far more about their own lives than yours so stop worrying about who is watching.
People are really good at hiding their anxiety and depression.
Parchment paper is worth the effort. I promise.
It’s okay to ask for what you want in a relationship (i.e, “I’d love if you bought me some flowers!”, “It would make me feel really special if you planned a date night for us together.”). Your partner can’t read your mind and there is no shame in communicating your wants.
I. AM. NOT. RESPONSIBLE. FOR. OTHER. PEOPLE. My therapist will be proud that this one made the list.
Cellulite is really not a big deal.
Wear whatever the heck you want.
Life is too short to worry about what other people think.
Buying yourself flowers will make your day better.
People often criticize your choices because they want to validate their own. Stay true to what you want.
Friendships ebb and flow and it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means, sometimes you hang out every night for a week straight and sometimes you don’t see each other for a month and that’s okay.
Piggybacking off of that last one, when you do make a mistake in a relationship it’s important to face it head on. It might be painful and uncomfortable in the moment, but it will be worth it.
Always go on the trip.
This is the only chocolate chip cookie recipe you’ll ever need.
Drinking lots of coffee makes you feel like garbage.
Drinking lots of alcohol makes you feel like garbage.
Drinking lots of water makes you feel less like garbage.
Always give yourself permission to change your mind.
No one has it all figured out.
A good probiotic can change your life. I swear by this one.
If you’re out of peanut butter you need groceries.
No amount of worrying will change the future.
Drinking coffee in the shower is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
Healing isn’t linear.
Carbs are necessary (and delicious!).

The Banana Peanut Butter Cake of My Dreams

This cake fully embodies my love of peanut butter. The banana aids in the cake sweetness without being overpowering in flavor. This cake is moist, chocolatey, and I promise it will be a hit. I’ve made this cake to celebrate not only my own birthdays, but a few other birthdays of loved ones over the past couple of years. It’s gluten-free and could be made dairy-free if you used vegan butter which makes it great for people with dietary restrictions, but I promise it will be enjoyed by all.

For the cake:

3 very overripe medium bananas (lots of brown spots is ideal), mashed
4 large eggs, at room temperature
3/4 cup pure maple syrup
3/4 cup natural creamy peanut butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups super fine blanched almond flour, packed
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup chocolate chips, mini or regular — whichever you prefer

For the frosting:

1/2 cup butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup natural creamy peanut butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line the bottom of three 6-inch round cake pans or two 8-inch round cake pans with parchment paper rounds. Spray parchment paper and sides of pan with nonstick cooking spray. Highly recommend the parchment paper here otherwise the cake will probably stick.
In a large bowl, whisk together mashed bananas, eggs, maple syrup, peanut butter and vanilla until smooth.
In another large bowl, mix the almond flour, baking soda and salt together. Set aside. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix until well combined. Fold in mini chocolate chips.
Divide batter evenly between pans and spread out with a spatula to smooth the tops. Bake for 20-30 minutes if using two 8-inch pans and 25-35 minutes for three 6-inch pans. Cakes are done when a tester comes out clean or with just a few crumbs attached. Allow cake to cool completely before frosting or removing from the pans. The cake should be room temperature or cold when you frost it.
Make your frosting: In the bowl of a stand-up mixer, add the softened butter and peanut butter and whip on high until light and fluffy. Add powdered sugar, vanilla and 2 tablespoons milk. Beat slow at first, then increase speed to high and beat for approximately two minutes. Frosting should be nice and creamy.
Frosting the cake: Place about 1-2 tablespoons down onto the cake stand and spread out. Invert 1 cake onto the cake stand, add about 1/2 cup of frosting between each layer, repeat with each cake, then frost the top and sides of the cake with the remaining frosting.
Option to decorate with flowers, but be sure to do that right before serving as the flowers will not look fresh long. Cake will stay good for 5-7 days covered in the fridge.